The House of Asterion by R J Dent

The House of Asterion

 

 

Walk through the coolness of my ancient house;

reflect on how I’ll be the death of it

one day. We are not one; each of us is sought out

for what we can – uniquely – give the world.

 

Such obvious wealth assaults the more refined.

The plane trees do not deflect the sea-spray

that lashes the courtyards; that stings my eyes,

extinguishing the sights that were on fire…

 

My patience is a thread at breaking point…

I rule my lands with velvet-covered fists.

I’m going to kill the chosen one and leave

the bones strewn as a sign of what’s to come…

 

 

 

 

The House of Asterion

© R J Dent (2011)

info@rjdent.com

www.rjdent.com

 

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3 Responses to “The House of Asterion by R J Dent”

  1. Thistledown Says:

    I think this poem has real promise. I’d suggest a few edits to tighten the language, which perhaps is a bit too loose and reads like prose. Maybe tighten each line to make it sing, spring the meter, play more with internal rime, use more metaphors, synecdoche, figuration in general. The poem has promise and of course brings one back to Borges’s masterpiece too:

    Walk the coolness of my ancient house;

    reflect on how I’ll one day be its death.

    We are not one; each of us is sought

    for what we alone can give the world.

    Such ostentation stirs the more refined.

    The plane trees do not bar the sea’s spray

    lashing the courtyards, stinging my eyes,

    extinguishing the visions once on fire…

    My patience is a raveling thread…

    I rule my lands with velvet fists.

    I’m going to kill the chosen one and strew

    the bones as signs of what’s to come…

    • R J Dent Says:

      Nice edit, Thistledown. Thanks for your comments (and your efforts), but I prefer the iambic pace of my poem to match the metrical back and forth tread of an imprisoned creature in a symmetrical labyrinth… Having said that, I like the pace of your version, but not the irregular metre…

  2. jim bean Says:

    Great poem… love the Borges reference… good metaphor… made me think…

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